The movie “Alien” taught me the following things about… um… aliens:
- It’s ok to ignore a distress beacon. Just keep on going. Don’t stop to investigate.
- If an alien “thing” wraps itself around a crew member’s face… don’t bring him/it back on your ship. I mean, really?
- Space indigestion is a horrible, horrible thing. Just don’t eat in space.
- Did the creators sit around wondering what would be scarier than a monster with big claws, a whip-tail, and razor sharp teeth and go, “oh, I know, let’s give it another mouth that lives inside its main mouth”?
- I wish I had acid blood.
- Baby aliens are not cute at all.
- Why does Tom Skerritt play every role like he just woke up from bed?
- Veronica Cartwright is scarier than any alien… go watch Witches of Eastwick if you don’t believe me.
- Alf should have had a cameo appearance in the movie. He’d be at a table and say, “HA! I kill me!” and the real alien would pull his head off.
- Splitting up is never good. Stay in a big group in a brightly lit room. A team leader saying “OK, let’s split up and search the area” is really saying “we’re all dead, but maybe it’ll eat you first and will be full by the time it finds me and will let me go”. Shoot that guy and give him to the alien as a peace offering.
- Aliens drool (probably because of the extra mouth)
- Aliens seem to go from egg to adult pretty darn fast… maybe just lay low for a couple more hours and let it’s 6 hour life span run out instead of trying to fight it with brooms and a board with a nail in it.
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