Category: People Am Dumb

Stupid people do stupid things stupidly.

So after posting that bit about tulips, there have been no less than 100 attempts to attach various links and bits of garbage related to online flower sales and mother’s day gift sites in the comments area. That’s more than a month’s worth of sneaky Russian spam. I must say, though, that flower spammers are just not as entertaining as the Russians.

I had no idea flower spam was so prevalent. 

In honor of the upcoming holiday and whatnot (more just whatnot really), here’s my ode to spammers:

Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
Spam is stupid.
And so’s your mom.

Popularity: unranked

I’m a big fan of the late Mitch Hedberg.  I was fortunate enough to see him perform live several times before he passed away.  For those who don’t know who he is… or was… he is/was a comedian with easily one of the most unique deliveries I’ve ever seen.  He was also one of those rare comedians that could even make horribly bad jokes still turn out funny.

Here he is.

read this entry »

Popularity: unranked

We get some pretty interesting spam comments that don’t get published.  Previously, I posted the fun Russian one.  This week’s winner.  Cheese spam.

That’s right.  Someone sent a spam comment to the site hoping to convince people to buy sketchy online cheese.  The comment originated somewhere in Yugoslavia… a known mecca of the cheese world.  I’ve seen spammers trying to sell many things, but cheese?  Really?  I thought it might redirect to something like Indian drugs or a way to refinance my house with monkey pelts, but it went to a site selling (in broken English) cheese.

Do people even buy online cheese from reputable sellers?  Do they think people are sitting at their computer browsing along and suddenly read an ad for “magically, yelow (yellow?) homegrade cheese” from “the central of europe” and go “mmm… here’s my credit card?

Gross.

Popularity: unranked

Did you know that in Arlington, VA you can still get a parking ticket even if you’re physically unable to reach the parking pay booth-thing due to a small glacier having swallowed it?

No, I didn’t get a ticket.  But in my 45 minute quest to find street parking I witnessed lovely Rita wandering the avenue with ticket book in hand trying to extract more fines from put upon parkers.  (I spit on my screen just typing that.)  For those people not in the region, the Washington DC Metro area (aka The 9th Circle of Hell) received about a bazillion inches of snow last week.  OK, it was closer to 35-36 inches, but around here it may as well have been a bazillion.  (Bazillion:  A million gwadzillion)  The temperature has tap danced around 32 degrees ever since… sometimes falling off the stage and landing in the orchestra pit of the upper teen temperature range.  I needed to go to the bank today and even though I only needed to run in and run out, I opted not to do the “DC thing” and just leave my car in the street.  I stopped in a two hour parking space and then stared blankly at a mountain of snow.  Somewhere inside the mountain was a coin slot.  If I could find the coin slot and deposit a bit of her majesty’s bling bling I’d be saved from Rita at the end of the row.  I couldn’t find it.

read this entry »

Popularity: unranked

Once again the Washington DC region is about to be held hostage by mother nature and her psychotic, wintry badness.  Within the next 24 hours, it is possible that snow may fall here.  The forecasters are predicting anywhere from no snow at all to 6 inches of the powdery death dust.  Armed with that forecast… millions of Virginia, Maryland, and DC residents have all lost their minds and begun preparing for the end of the World.

I made the mistake of going to the grocery store tonight after work to pick up some fresh peppers for some pasta I was going to make.  Big, big mistake.  The store parking lot was absolutely full.  I drive an SUV so I parked on a median.  Inside, it was a mad house.  Thousands of hobbyless soccor moms and hysterical, smelly children were running around buying every item in the store.  They were preparing for the impeding doom that falls with the snow in this area. 

Must have bread.  Must have milk.  Must have toilet paper.

read this entry »

Popularity: unranked

How surprising is it that for my first submission to a new web site, I’ve returned to an old favorite of mine for writing?  Probably not very.  Today as I was riding in the elevator, on my 110 foot vertical journey to work land, I had the unpleasant fortune to share the bulk of the trip with a stinky person.

There are two types of stinky people in this world, the naturally stinky (like hippies and the French) and the enhanced stinky (think old ladies drowned in $1.95 perfume that smells of burnt rubber, menthol, and dentist office).  It’s possible that there are naturally stinky people walking among us.  They often use clever ploys such as bathing and hygeine products to fit in with the normals of the world.  It’s quite possible, however, to completely overshoot “normal” and chemically romance your way straight into the enhanced stinky category.  Sadly, there is a sub class of naturally stinky… the super-duper stinky, which cannot ever hope to rid themselves of their offending odor.  Often they attempt to hide behind a toxic veil of Aqua Velva, Old Spice, and gasoline… but to no avail.  They form the hybrid Super-Duper Naturally and Chemically Worsened Stinky classification.  It’s a horrible, horrible thing to witness in the wild.

read this entry »

Popularity: unranked