Category: People Am Dumb

Stupid people do stupid things stupidly.

So while Armando had been fighting with the clerk, “Chuckles” had been picking through and examining the surplus Lean Cuisines that Armando couldn’t afford.  He seemed very interested in the steak and peppers.  Aside from being curious about someone else’s stuff and not seeming to mind rifling through it in front of them, he seemed on the normal end of the nut case spectrum.  He was buying a single bottle of water and four or five blueberries.

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I don’t really sleep.

I’ve always been a night owl type, but of late I just don’t sleep anymore.  Unless I have a meeting to be involved with in the morning… in which case I’ll fall asleep exactly 2 hours prior.

Not sleeping over the years has afforded me the rare opportunity to spend more than my fair share of time shopping in 24 hour establishments.  Doing so used to be restricted to 7-11 and Wal-Mart, but these days there are more and more places to do commerce at 3.00AM.  Recently, I found myself at a 24 hour Giant grocery store.  (For those of you not from this area, Giant is a name brand for the store, not an adjective to describe a store I visited via a beanstalk.)

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An interesting bit of spam:

“Nice brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you as your information.”

Firstly, if something on this site helped you with a college assignment, you should get your money back from your college because they’re wasting your time.  Maybe if you’re at one of those fun liberal, no grade schools taking a class called PAGE 301: Using the Internet for No Productive Reason at All… maybe.  Regardless… take English 101 again.  And again.

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I get odd spam.  I really do.  People are always trying to post stuff on my site so people will buy all sorts of things from them.  Flowers, drugs, mortgages, more drugs.  I don’t get it.  Do people really think buying a mortgage from the same place that sells vicodin is a good idea?  I don’t.

Today I got spam from beyond the grave.  It was bizarre.  It started out, “Hello Vampires”.

Um… what?

Seriously.  It was spam for vampires.

But that got me thinking… maybe that’s why spam is so hard to stop.  It’s coming from the undead.  Maybe the same goes for telemarketing.  We don’t need Do Not Call lists, we need garlic, crosses, and holy water.

We take spammers to court and fine them when in fact we should be driving stakes through their hearts.

Vampires are spammers, Zombies are telemarketers, and Mummies are Egyptian.  It all makes sense now.  Someone should call the FTC (because I can’t be bothered) and tell them to hire Van Helsing to regulate these guys before they overthrow the world.  Maybe even hire that Brendan Frasier guy too.  I’m pretty sure he’s not busy.

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I’ve spent the vast majority of my life stuck in traffic.  I-66 in Northern Virginia is a soul sucking wasteland that makes “The Road Warrior” look like a day at Disney World.  Most of the time on that road is spent fretting about my tardiness or coming up with new, creative ways to curse the people obstructing traffic.  Every now and then though, I see something that almost (almost) makes getting stuck in traffic worth while.  Today I saw the most outlandish thing I’ve ever seen.  Keep in mind, I’ve seen some pretty bizarre stuff out there.  I’ve seen the Oscar Mayer hot dog bus.  I’ve seen a truck made of giant Hershey’s kisses.  One time I even saw a truck towing a massive Eddie Murphy head down the street.  (Seriously, it was like a two story replica of Eddie Murphy’s head.  I found out later that you could even crawl around in it.)  I’ve seen a car v. car water gun fight (no, I wasn’t involved).  I’ve seen a band tour bus throw a cooler out the window.  None of that prepared me for what I saw this morning.

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