A Mid-Summer Nightmare pt I

by monty

I don’t really sleep.

I’ve always been a night owl type, but of late I just don’t sleep anymore.  Unless I have a meeting to be involved with in the morning… in which case I’ll fall asleep exactly 2 hours prior.

Not sleeping over the years has afforded me the rare opportunity to spend more than my fair share of time shopping in 24 hour establishments.  Doing so used to be restricted to 7-11 and Wal-Mart, but these days there are more and more places to do commerce at 3.00AM.  Recently, I found myself at a 24 hour Giant grocery store.  (For those of you not from this area, Giant is a name brand for the store, not an adjective to describe a store I visited via a beanstalk.)

I wasn’t picking up much, just some Gatorade and a can of soup.  I quickly gathered my goods and headed for the checkout.  There was only one aisle open at the time, so I stood behind the two existing patrons in line.  The checkout guy was about 6’5, 100lbs and seemed to be having a bad shift.  When I arrived, he was in the middle of a shouting match with Armando… a gentleman who was having some transactional difficulties.  I know his name was Armando because he kept shouting in broken English, “No one double crosses Armando!”  I looked around for another aisle to purchase my goods.  I was concerned that the double crossed Armando might be angry enough to shoot the clerk.  None to be found. 

Armando, as the story goes, had arrived moments before with a pile of Lean Cuisine microwave dinners.  He failed to arrive with enough money to pay for them all.  It appeared that through usage of Jiffy Lube coupons and foreign currency, Armando was attempting to barter with the clerk for his food.  The clerk wasn’t having it.  Neither was Armando.  After four or five exchanges of money, TV dinners, and heated words, the clerk and Armando were simply shouting at each other.  Armando was certain that he had been shorted $1.29.  The store clerk wanted to see Armando’s reciept.  In a conversation not unlike one between Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny, the two began shouting again.

Armando: You owe me $1.29!

Clerk: Let me see your receipt!

Armando: You owe me $1.29!

Clerk: Let me see your receipt!

Armando: $1.29!

Clerk: Receipt!

Armando: $1.29! $1.29! $1.29!

Clerk: Receipt! Receipt! Receipt!

I started to feel like I was watching a tennis match.  Due to neck strain, I decided to read the ingredients label for Tic Tacs.  Finally Armando threw the receipt at the clerk.  It would have been more dramatic had it had more heft than a small piece of paper.  Instead of flying into the clerks face defiantly, it just sort of flitted around in the air conditioning before falling on the floor behind Armando who then had to reach back down and pick it up for another try.  After six attempts, he finally just handed it too him.

The clerk stared at it for a few minutes and silently handed him $1.29 from the register.

Surely this would be the end to my strange night at Giant.  Nay-nay!

The guy immediately in front of me in line, we’ll call him “Chuckles”, would make Armando look normal and ultimately bring the police into the story… to have me arrested.