The movie “Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3)” taught me the following things about going back in time and undead things:
- Chainsaw arm/shotgun combo always wins in the middle ages.
- High school chemistry is important after all… you never know when you’ll need to make bombs.
- Sometimes details are important. Sure, remembering 3 words seems like no big deal… but… well… oops.
- People from the middle ages don’t mind being called “primitive screwheads”, “primates”, or “spinach chin”
- Do not attempt to make an “Ash’s Death Mobile” using a go-kart and a lawn mower. I won’t end well.
- Women in olden times were attracted to jerks too.
- I’d shop at S-Mart if I could find it.
- How many Ted Raimi’s does one movie need?
- How many Bruce Campbells does one movie need? (The answer is 5.)
- A fake skeleton on a real horse running at speed is funny.
- Skeleton warriors are fans of the Three Stooges.
- Upon resurrection, the first thing a skeleton wants to do it practice dentistry and kidnap wenches.
- Don’t ever, ever try to kill a smaller version of yourself that you swallowed by drinking boiling water.
- Breaking a mirror is pretty bad luck after all.
- If faced with three books when you’re looking for one… just quit. You’ve got a 66.66% chance of failure and face it… you’re in that situation because you’ve got crap luck.
- There is such a thing as a fat skeleton.
- You can’t be a hero without sarcasm.
- Being the Chosen One is pretty cool for about five minutes… then they put you to work.
- If you’re a jerk… and then you end up cloned as an evil version of yourself… that means you’ve got an evil jerk on the loose. And apparently evil jerks are pretty hardy and difficult to put down once they get going. [Insert favorite political comment here.] They do still have they’re funny moments though.
- Being punched in the face by someone dancing around calling you “goodie little two shoes” is pretty irritating.
- Shooting someone in the face that had been dancing around calling you “goodie little two shoes” is pretty cathartic.
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Once I was watching AOD on like sci fi or something, and we came upon the scene where the two Ashes are dancing, and the one is going “I’m Bad Ash, and you’re Good Ash…” and so forth. I’m sure you’re familiar.
Well the retards at the sci fi channel were bleeping the word “Ash” as if he was saying, ya know, the BAD word. I just found that to be so silly. SO missed the point.
Not that this had a point. Just a fun little Army of Darkness memory. Ever see the alternate ending?
I did. I got one of the fanc DVDs with the other ending. I appreciated the idea, but I still liked seeing Ash back at S-Mart. “Miss, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
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