The movie “Beetle Juice” taught me the following things about ghosts and the afterlife:
- Make sure your method of death leaves your body in a condition which you’d be happy spending eternity. Here are examples of ways not to die:
- Being turned to stone by Medusa
- Being turned to salt by old testament god
- Being sat on by a fat person
- Exploding
- Eaten by cannibals
- In France
- Excessive groin damage (all groin damage is excessive)
- Eaten by French cannibals who use too much salt
- When you die, you can pull you face off for fun.
- Trailer park ghosts are really fun at parties.
- When you die you have to live in your house and wear the same clothes everyday. I pretty much do that now.
- That was pretty creepy when that old lady made cigarette smoke come out of her neck, wasn’t it?
- Models are haunted. The more elaborate, the more haunted.
- If you die and don’t like Calypso music, you’re hosed.
- I can understand the hatred of sandworms. Unless you’re that guy from Dune. Geena Davis thought she was that guy.
- I’d pay money to see Michael Keaton as Beetle Juice run around in a Batman costume… but that’s just me.
- I think the movie was originally titled, “Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis Are Boring Ghosts So We Added Michael Keaton”
- Saying “Alec Guinness, Alec Guinness, Alec Guinness” didn’t summon anyone. It also made me question why I chose Alec Guiness to summon in the first place. Maybe I figured he wouldn’t be busy.
- Winona Ryder as creepy girl, ok. Winona Ryder as actress, nope.
- I bet Tim Burton’s house looks like the set of Beetle Juice and he has Danny Elfman’s Greatest Hit on replay.
- They need to make a Beetle Juice 2 so that when I do my impression of Beetle Juice they don’t think I’m that dude from Slingblade.
- Dick Cavett and Robert Goulet in the same movie was spoken of in Revelations I think.
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