The movie “Beetle Juice” taught me the following things about ghosts and the afterlife:

  • Make sure your method of death leaves your body in a condition which you’d be happy spending eternity.  Here are examples of ways not to die:
    • Being turned to stone by Medusa
    • Being turned to salt by old testament god
    • Being sat on by a fat person
    • Exploding
    • Eaten by cannibals
    • In France
    • Excessive groin damage (all groin damage is excessive)
    • Eaten by French cannibals who use too much salt
  • When you die, you can pull you face off for fun.
  • Trailer park ghosts are really fun at parties.
  • When you die you have to live in your house and wear the same clothes everyday.  I pretty much do that now.
  • That was pretty creepy when that old lady made cigarette smoke come out of her neck, wasn’t it?
  • Models are haunted.  The more elaborate, the more haunted.
  • If you die and don’t like Calypso music, you’re hosed.
  • I can understand the hatred of sandworms.  Unless you’re that guy from Dune.  Geena Davis thought she was that guy.
  • I’d pay money to see Michael Keaton as Beetle Juice run around in a Batman costume… but that’s just me.
  • I think the movie was originally titled, “Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis Are Boring Ghosts So We Added Michael Keaton”
  • Saying “Alec Guinness, Alec Guinness, Alec Guinness” didn’t summon anyone.  It also made me question why I chose Alec Guiness to summon in the first place.  Maybe I figured he wouldn’t be busy.
  • Winona Ryder as creepy girl, ok.  Winona Ryder as actress, nope.
  • I bet Tim Burton’s house looks like the set of Beetle Juice and he has Danny Elfman’s Greatest Hit on replay.
  • They need to make a Beetle Juice 2 so that when I do my impression of Beetle Juice they don’t think I’m that dude from Slingblade.
  • Dick Cavett and Robert Goulet in the same movie was spoken of in Revelations I think.

 

 

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